I am quoting the below from an email message that was sent to me.
This reminded me of my previous relationship with Zubeida and just confirms my idiology regarding matters such as love, trust and respect.

It also provided me with an answer as to why she cheatet on me with seemingly unworthy people; people who are, in their nature distructive.

Enjoy:

****
I recently ventured on a road trip and consequently had hours
in the car to listen to various radio talk shows. Since you
are never far from my mind (aw!), I wanted to relate an inter-
view I heard. The host interviewed Dr. Stephen Judah, the
author of "Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart,"
(note: not an endorsement, merely relating info) and they
discussed situations in which people cheat and how to recover
from them. Would it surprise you to know that in 40% of cases
where a partner cheated, they considered their marriage to
have no problems?
The reverse statistic would be that 60% of those who cheated
indicated there indeed was something problematic in their
primary relationship. Let me back up a second. I should pre-
face this article with a reminder of Carmen's zero-tolerance
cheating policy. While I really do believe couples can
recover from a digression, I still believe we all have con-
trol over our actions and that affairs don't "just happen."
After all, penises don't, oops, just fall into a vagina.
That being said, it's not surprising that 60% of cheaters
found their primary relationships to be problematic.

I've read your letters for over six years now(!!) and I know
that people often cheat when their relationship is strained:
a stressor is added like financial difficulties, a new child,
health crisis, etc. Other big factors include not feeling
admired and appreciated by your partner anymore, one partner
no longer wanting to engage in certain sexual activities, and
much, much more. What I was particularly interested in,
though, was the 40% of those who said their relationships
were stable and fine. (I don't know how the author defined
stable or unproblematic, but let's accept the statistic for
what is for the sake of the argument.) If the relationship is
fine and problem-free, what made them look outside their union?

According to Dr. Judah, these people were in unanticipated
situations where they created bonds with other people. For
instance, an example would be a new co-worker. We spend at
least 40 hours a week at work. Co-workers (theoretically)
have the same goals (ie projects, deadlines, etc.) and
probably share some personal interests. When people share
such tight quarters over an extended period of time, they
can build a bond. And after late-night meetings (with drinks)
sometimes the "bond" can be interpreted to be attraction.
In these cases the attached partner didn't seek out a new
person but is in a situation where there is potential bond-
ing nonetheless. Again, penises don't just fall into vaginas -
we're all adults and control our actions. I'm just relaying
some information and some situations to be aware of.

So how do you combat something like this? Before kissing
and even before flirting there is a distinct time when we
choose to take a situation to another level, and we all
determine that "time" for ourselves. In most cases one can't
control with whom they work, but we can control HOW we
converse and present ourselves. I don't know the exact
answer or if there is one, but we have to remember our
priorities (whatever we determine them to be) and respect
them every single moment, day in and day out. Long-lasting
love is about listening to your partner when you have had
the most unbearable day, negotiating the plight of every-
day life and still holding each other's hands at the end
of it. Love is something we have to nurture in every
action with each other and other people.
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