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Kindness to Parents

Muslims should show kindness to their parents.

Allah has ordained the good treatment of parents.

If you type the words, “kindness to parents” in Google, six of the first ten results are Islamic articles stressing the importance of being dutiful and kind to one’s parents.

Why is this so?

Islam is a beautiful religion that stresses the qualities of mercy, tolerance and respect among human beings. Allah has ordained the good treatment of parents and warned us against treating them with disrespect.  There are several verses in the Qur’an where kindness to parents is even coupled with the most important aspect of Islam; worshipping Allah alone.  This indicates that being kind to parents, honoring and respecting them, is extremely important in the way of life that Islam stipulates.

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him.  And that you be dutiful to your parents.  If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. (Al-Israa’ 17:23)

It is crystal clear in this verse that no word of disrespect should be uttered toward a parent, nor even a look of resentment or contempt.  Honoring parents can be considered a form of worship if the intention is to please Almighty Allah by respecting His commands.

Allah continues this verse by reminding us that parents are deserving of kindness because they raised their children with gentleness and often made great sacrifices for their wellbeing.  His use of the word wing invokes the image of a mother bird tenderly shielding her young and calls to mind the gentleness that parents have for their children.

 And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord!  Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’ (Al-Israa’ 17:24)

 The love and mercy that emanates from the Most Merciful Allah is manifest in the kind treatment existing between parents and their children.  Allah clearly prohibits the bad treatment of parents, and in another verse of the Qur’an He enjoins on us the need to show gratitude to Him, our Creator, as well as our parents.  Again, Allah clearly links the rights owed to Him to the rights owed to parents.

 And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents.  His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.”  (Luqman 31:14)

Prophet Muhammad reinforced the duty to be kind to parents. A companion of the Prophet once asked him which of the many good deeds a man can do is the most loved by Allah.  Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) answered him by saying, “To offer the Prayer in its proper time”.  The companion then asked, “And what is next?” to which Prophet Muhammad replied, “To be good and dutiful to your parents…” (Al-Bukhari).  The responsibility to be kind and good to parents comes right after the greatest duty in Islam, the prayer.

More than Goodness

The Arabic word that is used in the Qur’an and the narrations of Prophet Muhammad to denote this kindness to parents as bir, and more often than not, it is translated as goodness.  However, as is the case with most Arabic words, a direct translation into English often fails to explain the true depth of meaning. Bir does not only mean goodness; it contains shades of meaning that indicate kindness, compassion, respect and even patience.  Islam, the way of life, encompasses all these qualities, and Muslims must strive to model this behavior in all dealings, particularly in the relationship between parents and their children.

With hardship and endurance, most parents care for and nurture their children their entire lives, but at one point this duty reverses, parents become old and feeble and in need of this care and nurturing themselves.  The child is obligated to care for the parents by displaying all the qualities of bir and knowing that the reward for this is with Allah.  Prophet Muhammad said, “If anyone possesses these three characteristics Allah will give him an easy death and bring him into His Paradise: gentleness towards the weak, affection towards parents, and kindness to slaves.” (At-Tirmidhi)

One Man’s Devotion

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) was a close companion of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). He is credited with remembering and transmitting many of the Prophetic sayings.  The life of Abu Hurairah also contains many demonstrations of his love and devotion to his mother.  When he first embraced Islam, no amount of pleading could convince his mother to do the same.  Weeping and afraid, Abu Hurairah approached the Prophet and begged him to make supplication to Allah asking that his mother be guided.  Prophet Muhammad complied with this request and within a very short period of time Abu Hurairah’s mother uttered the words, “There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is his slave and Messenger”, thus embracing Islam.

Throughout his life, Abu Hurairah remained kind and courteous to his mother.  Whenever he wanted to leave home, he would stand at the door of her room and say, “Peace be on you, mother, and the mercy and blessings of Allah.”  She would reply, “And on you be peace, my son, and the mercy and blessings of Allah.”  He would also say, “May Allah have mercy on you as you cared for me when I was small,” to which she would reply, “May Allah have mercy on you as you delivered me from error when I was old.”

Abu Hurairah always encouraged other people to be kind and good to their parents.  One day he saw two men walking together and enquired of the younger one, “Who is this man to you?” to which the young man replied, “He is my father”.  Abu Hurairah advised him by saying, “Do not call him by his name, do not walk in front of him, and do not seat yourself before he does”.

Therefore, this gentleness and affection Abu Hurairah demonstrated to his mother teaches us that mutual respect and love is a duty.  A Muslim is obliged to show respect towards parents even if they are non-Muslim, and the greatest love he can show towards them is to supplicate to Allah in hope that they will be guided to Islam.  At the time of the Prophet, many of those who embraced Islam found that it conflicted with the beliefs and requests of their parents, but they were taught to be kind and to obey their parents, except if the parents demanded they disobey Allah.

But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience.  Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. (Luqman 31:15)

Being dutiful to parents, obeying them and treating them with kindness is embedded in the teachings of Islam. However, obedience to Allah is always the first and foremost duty in Islam.

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This article was originally published on islamreligion.com. It has been taken with modifications from onislam.net

 

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Family New Muslims

A Divine Call for Kindness to Parents

By Dr. Ahmad Al Khalidi

Allah (Exalted be He) addresses believers and commands them to worship Him alone and to be always kind to their parents especially when they grow old and weak in such a way that they should not utter the slightest word of disgust or disrespect to them.

A Divine Call for Kindness to Parents

Allah commands believers to worship Him alone and to be always kind to their parents especially when they grow old and weak.

The Qur’an reminds children of their parents’ favor to them in childhood specially mothers who endured pains of weight in her body, delivery and weaning.

The human status, nowadays, matches with the Qur’anic facts; as the Muslims in the east and west belong to families with strong bonds where the children are dutiful to their parents in one way or another; while most mushriks ( polytheists’) children in non-Muslim societies depart their parents as soon as they reach puberty age.

Besides, their relationship with their parents gets too weak to visit them or to do any favor for them except on occasions (if they remember them). How wonderful are the  Qur’anic teachings that call children to do good to their parents not only throughout their life but also after their death.

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. (Al-Israa’ 17:23)

Baz, (2007) brings up that the Qur’an incites the affection of benefaction and mercy in the hearts of children, who always look forward and rarely look backward to care for their parents who  have spent the whole nectar of their life for the sake of their children until drought has approached them.

The Father

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) instructs children to be aware of their parents’ status in Islam.

Abu Darda’ heard the Prophet say that:

The father is the middle door of Paradise (i.e. the best way to Paradise), so it is up to you whether you take advantage of it or not.” (Ibn Majah)

And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, “My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy even as they cherished me in childhood”. (Al-Israa’ 17:24)

The Mother

That is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) commended children to treat their mother well more than any other person.

Abu Huraira reported that a person said:

“Allah’s Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: ‘Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness).’” (Muslim)

Allah says:

And We have enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the (final) destination. (Luqman 31:14)

True scientific discoveries usually agree with the Holy Quranic verses, so Al Tawashi (2006:265) mentions what scientists have discovered about the importance of mother’s milk, “Every day, a new benefit of mother’s milk to the baby is discovered.” He adds, “one of the facts that science has discovered about mother’s milk is that suckling up to two years after birth is very beneficial.” Moreover, “Mother’s milk is an unmatched mixture that is created by God has both an excellent food-source for the new born baby, and a substance that increases its resistance to disease. Even artificial baby food produced by today’s technology cannot substitute for this miraculous source of nutrition.”

Allah’s Mercy

Children should not forget their parents’ breeding and care. Allah orders children to be modest to their parents out of humbleness and mercy to them seeking reward from Allah. However, in case parents call their children to shirk, they should not obey them; yet they should keep kind and benevolent for them. This, indeed, reflects the extent of mercy of Allah upon parents even though they were disbelievers.

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me in repentance. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. (Luqman 31:15)

“If they help you in the obedience to Allah, guide and cultivate you with a correct upbringing then they deserve to be obeyed. If, however, they both deviate and strive with much effort with you to fall into shirk (associating other beings/gods) with Allah then there is no obedience to them (in that). However, the general righteousness that you should have towards them does not become void even if they try and strive against you and harm you to disbelieve in Allah, it is upon you not to forget their rights; for you must be a good companion to them in this life.” (Sahih International)

In view of that, young Muslims should always remember this Prophetic hadith that calls children to regard their parents and to be watchful for them.

`Abdullah ibn Mas`ud reported:

“I said: Messenger of Allah, which of the deeds (takes one) nearer to Paradise? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Prayer at its proper time, I said: What next, Messenger of Allah? He replied: Kindness to the parents. I said: What next? He replied: Jihad in the cause of Allah.” (Muslim)

Fostering Ethical Concepts in Children

Luqman’s son is reminded of the rights of his parents on him, of the hardships mothers face while bearing and weaning their children and of the total dependence of infants on their mothers for two years. However, Man should be thankful to Allah first, then to his parents.

S`adi (1985) points out that one has to be respectful to his parents and that he should treat them gently, speak with them modestly using kind words, deal with them pathetically and avoid ill-treating them, particularly his mother who faced difficulty after difficulty since he was a clot until he was born, enduring his weight in her body, her sufferings from weakness and illness as well as pains of delivery.

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Dr. Ahmad Muhammad Al khalidi is Researcher and translator, E L teacher and lecturer, an old member in the presentation to Islam committee.

 

 

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